Awaken To Joy

Self-Judgment: Projection

“Yet I’ve learned that you don’t serve the world by taking on its judgments, hanging your head in shame, and saying, ‘Yeah, you must be right.  I must be bad.’  Take responsibility for your part in your own disasters, yes – but take on every projection of guilt from every unhealed person?  No!  For whatever reason people may need to project their own anger and guilt on you, you don’t have to accept it if it’s not yours.”

~Marianne Williamson

 

I thought this would be an interesting way to end the month on judgments because judgments directed toward us also can add to our negative state.  Do you feel yourself being judged in a situation now?  Is any of it your responsibility for which you need to make amends?   If not, you needn’t take on another’s anger and guilt.  Interesting thought, isn’t it?

Self-Judgment:  Projection:  Okay, so let’s take this week’s thought a bit further.  If when someone is judging us, they are really just projecting their anger and guilt onto us, what does that say when we are judging ourselves?  How does it translate? ..

When we feel we have done something wrong, it is important to take responsibility where necessary.  But once we have done that, and we are still judging ourselves, are we then projecting our anger and guilt on ourselves?  Something to think about…

Self Judgment: Finding Compassion

I once said that you cannot be compassionate with others until you learn how to be compassionate with yourself.  This month I found the teleclass participants fully understood that idea…

 

I asked everyone if they were able to be compassionate with others when they were feeling judgmental toward themselves, even just a little.  Unanimously, all said, “no.”  In fact, the response was much more emphatic, hearing words such as “impossible” and “absolutely not”.  We cannot begin to access our compassionate state in a state of self-judgment.  When we are feeling softer and more loving with ourselves we can then begin to send that outward.  Whatever is within will go without. 

 

Self-Judgment: Fact or Fiction?

I think the most remarkable idea that came out of the teleclasses (and I believe this came up in each one) was the idea that our self-judgments aren’t even based in fact…

 

Our self-judgments are our own making and usually (or in the case of the examples shared on the calls, always) aren’t based in truth.  One woman said she feels she is a “bad mother” and assumes her husband agrees and hears his comments (and even his thoughts) through that belief.  Therefore she assumes the worst from what he says (or what she thinks he is thinking) only because she is already assuming the worst about herself.  Interestingly, he doesn’t agree and she is beginning to “get” that it is only because she thinks it that she thinks he thinks it.  Now that she is aware of the false belief and knows it emanates only from her, the hold the self-judgment has on her is beginning to weaken.

 

Think about your own judgments about yourself.  Are they only yours?  Do others agree?  If you aren’t sure, ask someone you trust.  Why do you believe as you do?  What if you let it go?  How would that feel?

Self-Judgment Red Flags

One idea we discussed on the teleclasses was realizing that self-judgment was a downward spiral and once we get started, it just leads to more self-judgment and other negative thoughts and behavior.  We discussed identifying red flags and steps for stopping this downward spiral…

There were many red flags that people identified once they thought about their own situation such as rumination, just feeling stuck replaying something or thinking about something negative; feeling irritation with him/herself; beginning to use food in an unhealthy way; and feeling out of shape, in other words, finding another avenue to judge ourselves.  This last one usually takes the form of wherever you tend to judge yourself the most such as the shape of your body, your hair, your habits, etc.  Once we start judging, our mind goes directly to our most traveled path.

I noticed that many of these red flags seemed to be quite a ways into the spiral already and perhaps once people begin to use these red flags more regularly, they will be able to identify the spiral sooner.  The sooner a spiral is stopped, the easier it is to pull ourselves out.

So, what pulls us out?  We came up with several ideas.  Here are a few (I would love to know if you have any more!):  Be in nature, meditate, breathe, eat good foods, call or email a friend, be alone and quiet, yoga, exercise, read an inspirational book, and journaling, just to name a few.  We also realized that having a few ideas instead of just one is particularly helpful since it isn’t always possible to do each of these.

Quote From a Participant

"When I judge myself it completely pulls me out of my center. If I am feeling low or not well, I judge myself very harshly. If I'm feeling good and centered I don't find myself doing it as much or as extreme. Self judgement pulls me out of my focus area because I am so concerned with myself that I don't see anything else."

Radio Show Challenge: Self-Judgment 3

Challenge:  “Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field.  I’ll meet you there.” ( ~ Rumi)  Why does there need to be a right or a wrong?  good or bad?  What if something "just is".  You might think, "Wow! I could do that situation with more grace next time."  And then do what it takes to do it with more grace.

We had a very special guest today, author, Mick Quinn, The Uncommon Path of Awakening Authentic Joy
Contact him here:
    http://www.mickquinn.com
    888.350.2353

Book Mentioned
The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr

Inspirational Quote: Self-Judgment

“Spiritual energy brings compassion into the real world.
With compassion, we see benevolently our own human condition
and the condition of our fellow beings. We drop prejudice.
We withhold judgment.”
~ Christina Baldwin (1990)

I love this quote.  And isn't it true?  The more I connect with my Higher Self, the more compassion I have with myself and others.  What will you do today to bring more spiritual energy into your day?

Radio Show Challenge: Self-Judgment and Fear

Challenge:  Ask for awareness of at least one judgment you have of yourself.

What we discussed:

• We are tired of the fear!  Listen as we discuss ways to uplift yourself.
• Change your paradigm around fear
• Then, do you judge yourself? 
  
  • Using judgment to keep you stuck in your consciousness.
  • Staying small to make sure others feel good around you.
  • Creating confidence in yourself.

Bumper Sticker:  "Fearful people make stupid decisions."

Fear post:
    http://muselan.typepad.com/muselan/2009/05/monday-morning-musing-getting-past-fear.html

GREAT QUESTION TO ASK YOURSELF:  "What is the best thing I can do for myself right now."

Quote we used:
“Yet I’ve learned that you don’t serve the world by taking on its judgments, hanging your head in shame, and saying, ‘Yeah, you must be right. I must be bad.’ Take responsibility for your part in your own disasters, yes – but take on every projection of guilt from every unhealed person? No! For whatever reason people may need to project their own anger and guilt on you, you don’t have to accept it if it’s not yours.”
-Marianne Williamson

Do You Judge Yourself?

“Judgment: to assume the right to judge someone, especially in a critical matter. In self-judgment, that person is ourselves.  What happens when we critique ourselves negatively?  It depletes that positive well within us and deepens the negative.” 

As we move into the self-judgment month (June), begin by asking yourself if you judge yourself.  I am intrigued by the idea that not everyone may not.  Or is it we choose not to see it?  Think about it for yourself.  Do you judge yourself?  If you aren’t sure, ask someone who knows you well.  You can also listen to it on our radio show.  On last Monday’s show we discussed self-judgment, specifically what are signs that you judge yourself.  Let us know what you think!