Laura Erdman-Luntz, MA, E-RYT(500) | Yoga | Yoga Teacher Training | Minnesota | Costa Rica | Life Coaching

Awaken to Joy: Fear

(Here is an excerpt from my book, Awaken to Joy.  From my heart to yours.  Enjoy!)

In this chapter, we will study an area that always leads us away from our joyful and authentic center: fear.  Fear has a purpose and is essential when something is in front of us from which we need to protect ourselves.  We need fear to get us moving quickly to fight or flee. 

 

But much of our fear is not in front of us, it is perceived, created in our mind and can often be unconscious so we are unaware of its existence and its effect on us.  We can carry our greatest fears with us all of them time, letting them run in the background of our minds, unconsciously leading us to feel more fearful and negative.  Fear can also immediately drain all of our energy and leave us more susceptible to negative thoughts and actions. 

 

This chapter is not about transforming fear, rather it is about educating ourselves around our fears so we no longer need to react from them.  (Although you may discover after a month of studying your unconscious fears, they do begin to transform themselves.  Once you make an unconscious issue conscious, it often loses its power.)

Order the book from Amazon

Order a signed copy from Laura

Find out more about the online program and free ebooks

 

Awaken to Joy: Anger

(Here is an excerpt from my book, Awaken to Joy.  From my heart to yours.  Enjoy!)

If we feel anger, I firmly believe it should be expressed appropriately and not repressed.   But what if we could change whether or not we feel anger in certain situations in the first place?  When we learn about our own anger, its sources and how it unfolds in us, we can often change how we feel.  The more we can study our anger, the more we can understand the emotion and transform it.  This work is not about denying the anger we do have; it is about cultivating the compassion within us so that the anger we have is transformed.  But anger can be so devious, sneaking into our consciousness in its various forms –frustration, impatience, irritation, jealousy, resentment or hatred – without us even noticing until we are deeply into the emotion.  How can we begin to cultivate our consciousness around it before we are already entrenched?  The more we learn about our anger, the easier it is to choose a different course.

Order the book from Amazon

Order a signed copy from Laura

Find out more about the online program and free ebooks

 

Awaken to Joy: The Prologue

(Here is an excerpt from my book, Awaken to Joy.  From my heart to yours.  Enjoy!)

Prologue:  This story is where I began my own journey toward writing this book...

Years ago I read a quote that changed my life.  To paraphrase, “If you squeeze an orange you get orange juice. When you are squeezed, what comes out?”  Right after I had my second child, I was being squeezed and I did not like what was coming out. I was exhausted and my 2½ year-old daughter was finding it very challenging to adjust to sharing her mom. With all of this in my world, I found myself “losing it” more than I liked. Moments of complete lack of patience, filled with irritation. I expressed sadness and frustration to my family and friends. Their responses were always a variation of, “You are tired. It is to be expected.” Or “All parents experience moments of sheer frustration. It just means you are normal.” These responses did not satisfy or pacify me. Perhaps it was the perfectionist in me, but normal wasn’t good enough for me and, frankly, I did not feel it was “normal”. I wanted my children to have a joyful, blissful childhood marked by a mom who was grounded in love, joy, and compassion. I was not feeling grounded and I was not feeling in touch with my soul.  I had also heard that I could expect to be tired for at least 18 years.  I needed to do something else.  A question kept coming up for me from the book Nonviolent Communication, written by Marshall B. Rosenberg: “What allows some people to stay connected to their compassionate nature under even the most trying circumstances?” I knew it was possible.  I knew I could stay connected to my compassionate, joyful nature.  So, what was I not doing?

As I began to look inside myself, curious as to why I was losing it when I did, I made some connections between those moments and other things. I noticed that many of these moments were preceded by thoughts marked by fear. Generally these thoughts were around my big fear in life – financial instability – and had nothing to do with my children. But they were enough to sap me of my energy and drain my love, joy, and compassion. I also noticed other variables contributed to my negativity as well such as what I watched on television, what I ate, people with whom I interacted, what I chose to read in my free time.

I then turned to what would create more love, joy, and compassion in my heart. I did not want to just control the negativity; I wanted to eradicate the seed. I wanted compassion and love to be what came out the next time I was squeezed. I evaluated my spiritual practice and other disciplines I maintained.  I discovered some of those disciplines, ostensibly used to foster my connection with myself, were done out of fear and not love; because I felt I should be doing them.  I also began to consciously fill myself with love, let go of judgment of others and myself, and open myself up to the loving support of others.

When I began this journey, I did not connect it to the greater works of the well-known teachers of compassion and love, such as Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Theresa, etc. It felt like such a small piece of work, simply working on my relationship with my children. I realize now that that is where it begins. The small changes we make within ourselves create a ripple effect within us, that affects those around us and, in turn, the consciousness of the world. As I worked on my relationship with my children, I evolved as an individual. I became a kinder, more loving wife, daughter, sister, friend, Life Coach and Yoga Educator. I also know I am guiding two much more joyful, compassionate and loving souls into the world than my old self would have and I cannot even begin to guess the effect I have had on others along the way who have then gone on to affect others.  Yes, we all affect the consciousness of the world through the ripple out effect.  Awaken to Joy can improve what is rippling out from you!

It is the work I did (and am doing) that I present to you here. May you end your study with more joy, more love in your heart, and living more in harmony with your Higher Self.

Peace,

Laura

Order the book from Amazon

Order a signed copy from Laura

Find out more about the online program and free ebooks

Awaken to Joy: Communication-Separate vs. Connected Communication

(I am re-posting from my blog about my book, Awaken to Joy.  These posts were from before I published a book, when it was a program I ran live with teleclasses.  Posts came from insights participants had on the calls or thoughts I had while we were studying certain chapters.)

On our teleclass, I asked everyone if they recognized in the moment whether they were communicating with someone in a connected way vs. a separate way.  In other words, when they are actually hearing the other person and know the other person is hearing them vs. not.

When I asked the question, there was an audible “oh yeah” from everyone.  We all seemed to agree that telling the difference was incredibly obvious and easy.  The connected conversation was calm, peaceful, and effortless.  The separate conversation was frustrating and led us to become easily irritated. 

I found it interesting that we all agreed that connected conversations were effortless.  Then, why do we not have them all the time?  It is so easy to say, “because the other person isn’t in a compassionate state” but recall the last two blog entries – it is only about us, not them.  No, the effort involved in being compassionate is not in the conversation itself, it is in all the preparation we do to first find our compassion and then remain compassionate when we are in conversation.  If our compassion elicits peace from the other person, all the more wonderful.  At least our anger doesn’t begin the ripple effect of negativity.

All this preparation and initial effort is worthwhile when you think of the outcome – effortless communication with those we love.  The effort it takes to handle the residual of a separate conversation is much more challenging.

Order the book from Amazon

Order a signed copy from Laura

Find out more about the online program and free ebooks

Awaken to Joy: Spiritual Practice-Define "Spiritual Practice"

(I am re-posting from my blog about my book, Awaken to Joy.  These posts were from before I published a book, when it was a program I ran live with teleclasses.  Posts came from insights participants had on the calls or thoughts I had while we were studying certain chapters.)

This question led to some interesting discussion on the teleclasses.  Everyone agreed that his/her definition of “spiritual practice” had evolved over the years to become much broader.  Almost everyone felt they had originally equated spiritual practice with whatever was included in their religion such as attending weekly services, reading scriptures, prayer, etc.  Most people had since, and especially in light of the module, had added many more items to their list of what connects them.

Two other ideas flowed from this discussion.  The first is people felt quite aware that certain practices help them connect much faster and more directly than others.  Certain particularly inspiring authors (Dr. Wayne Dyer for me), listening to Mozart, and skiing down a mountain in Colorado for one participant, are direct links to our higher selves.  Think about your own practice.  What is the best part of your practice, the part that connects you fastest?  Do you know?

The other idea was concerning the efficacy of your practice.  How do you know it is working?   Everyone agreed they knew if there practice was working based on how they feel.  How everyone felt, though, was different.  One person felt her practice was working when she noticed she wasn’t trying to “be” a certain way.  Another person commented that she feels more love.  Another felt less judgmental.  Another said she has noticed that she reacts and is different in situations that come up regularly such as being with her family.  I can tell by my level of negativity.

I love this question because it is important to make sure your practice is working.  How do you measure success?

Order the book from Amazon

Order a signed copy from Laura

Find out more about the online program and free ebooks

Awaken to Joy: People-Is it time to reevaluate?

(I am re-posting from my blog about my book, Awaken to Joy.  These posts were from before I published a book, when it was a program I ran live with teleclasses.  Posts came from insights participants had on the calls or thoughts I had while we were studying certain chapters.)

Here is a thought from a participant for you:  “Since my tolerations and boundaries have changed, I ask myself why I was continuing to seek out or continue relationships that did not resonate with that.  I think that sometimes, relationships become old habits instead of being old friends.”

Is it time to reevaluate old relationships?  Ron easily lets go of relationships when they no longer fit where he is in his spiritual growth.  He also lets go of belongings easily.  He is quite skilled in the practice of detachment.  We get attached to our relationships.  Perhaps it is the sense of belonging or patterns or something I haven’t considered yet.  We need to regularly reevaluate these relationships, though, to make sure they are feeding us.  Good friendships leave you feeling uplifted, not drained.  They also can keep you stuck in your current state of consciousness.  Is it time for you to reevaluate?

Order the book from Amazon

Order a signed copy from Laura

Find out more about the online program and free ebooks

Awaken to Joy: Needs-Communication of Needs

(I am re-posting from my blog about my book, Awaken to Joy.  These posts were from before I published a book, when it was a program I ran live with teleclasses.  Posts came from insights participants had on the calls or thoughts I had while we were studying certain chapters.)

Have you begun to make the connection (pardon the pun) between connecting with yourself and others to feel compassion?  In order to be in our natural state of compassion we need to be connected to our Higher Self and to the person with whom we are speaking, even if we don’t agree with him/her.  Frankly, the connection is just what we are working on in this program.  When we are truly connected, we make good choices for ourselves, ones that tip the scale to the positive.  Our unfulfilled needs can and do get in the way of this connection.  They are negative “noise” when they are not being met. 

This wonderful and insightful thought came from someone on last year’s Teleclass:  “If we don’t communicate our needs, we can’t connect with others.”  I would also say that not communicating our needs also keeps us from connecting more deeply to ourselves. If we keep our needs from those who need to hear it, the unanswered need is something that breaks the connection between yourself and the other person.  Can you feel it in yourself?  The other person may very well sense the disconnection too and has not idea what the issue is.  Then, with that broken connection you are further removed from your compassionate state. 

Communicating your needs to others is essential in your quest for a compassionate state.  There is a caveat. Your needs are not to be shared like a righteous challenge.  Remember, most of the time others are not fulfilling your need not to punish you but because they do not have the same need and are unaware of its necessity to you.  Find your most compassionate state and then, from that loving place, share your need with others.

Order the book from Amazon

Order a signed copy from Laura

Find out more about the online program and free ebooks

Awaken to Joy: Self-Judgment-Projection

(I am re-posting from my blog about my book, Awaken to Joy.  These posts were from before I published a book, when it was a program I ran live with teleclasses.  Posts came from insights participants had on the calls or thoughts I had while we were studying certain chapters.)

“Yet I’ve learned that you don’t serve the world by taking on its judgments, hanging your head in shame, and saying, ‘Yeah, you must be right.  I must be bad.’  Take responsibility for your part in your own disasters, yes – but take on every projection of guilt from every unhealed person?  No!  For whatever reason people may need to project their own anger and guilt on you, you don’t have to accept it if it’s not yours.”

~Marianne Williamson

I thought this would be an interesting way to end the month on judgments because judgments directed toward us also can add to our negative state.  Do you feel yourself being judged in a situation now?  Is any of it your responsibility for which you need to make amends?   If not, you needn’t take on another’s anger and guilt.  Interesting thought, isn’t it?

Okay, so let’s take this week’s thought a bit further.  If when someone is judging us, they are really just projecting their anger and guilt onto us, what does that say when we are judging ourselves?  How does it translate? ..

When we feel we have done something wrong, it is important to take responsibility where necessary.  But once we have done that, and we are still judging ourselves, are we then projecting our anger and guilt on ourselves?  Something to think about…

Order the book from Amazon

Order a signed copy from Laura

Find out more about the online program and free ebooks

Awaken to Joy: Food-Inspirational Quote

(I am re-posting from my blog about my book, Awaken to Joy.  These posts were from before I published a book, when it was a program I ran live with teleclasses.  Posts came from insights participants had on the calls or thoughts I had while we were studying certain chapters.)

“Food is a much more powerful tool for transformation than we realize.  Imagine where you want to be and eat like that person would eat.  What we need is something we already know somewhere, we just don’t have the energy or the inclination to put it into practice.” 
~ Laura Erdman-Luntz

Order the book from Amazon

Order a signed copy from Laura

Find out more about the online program and free ebooks

Awaken to Joy: Fears-Realistic Fears

(I am re-posting from my blog about my book, Awaken to Joy.  These posts were from before I published a book, when it was a program I ran live with teleclasses.  Posts came from insights participants had on the calls or thoughts I had while we were studying certain chapters.)

This topic came up several times over the teleclasses last year and I think it was a fascinating discussion.  What about “realistic fears”?  Aren’t they okay to have?  Perhaps even necessary for our own good?  Hmmm…sounds logical.  Then we began to discuss what a realistic fear is. What makes a fear “realistic”?  Do you know the definition of fear is:  “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat?” [Emphasis is mine.]  And a belief is merely a dominant thought – a thought that is strong enough to become what you consider to be a truth.  So, a fear is merely the belief, or many thoughts, that danger lurks somewhere for you.

To me, it seems that if something is “realistic” wouldn’t that mean that everyone would share that fear?  I mean, if the fear is for our own good, it should apply to everyone.  And yet, on the teleclasses, when we listed “realistic fears”, we received a wide variety of answers.  Of course the answers were a litany of “horrible things” to feel fearful around.  Yet for everything named, there was someone on the call who said, “Hmmm…that one doesn’t bother me.” Or “hadn’t thought of that one.”  In other words, even though someone felt it was “realistic”, another hadn’t even considered it as an issue.  Some even went on to say, “Actually, I feel quite safe with that one.”

Knowing all of this now, let me ask you, how does that fear serve you?  Does it keep you safer?  I will definitely give you that in a true life or death situation, fear helps considerably by releasing adrenalin and giving you courage and strength you didn’t know you had.  But does it help the other 99.9 percent of the time when you aren’t in a threatening situation?  If your fear involves your health, money, relationships or career, fear never serves you.  People often tell me it is a great motivator.  Believe me when I say that any motivation based on fear is not helpful.  You do not think or act in your best interest from a fear perspective.  Your very best decisions are always from your heart or Soul and your heart cannot be reached out of fear.

I had one person on the call realize that she wanted to become aware of her fear and use it as a wake up call.  Normally her fears would lead her down the path toward more negative feelings and behaviors.  Instead she decided to note her fear and ask herself these three questions:  What is the reality?  What to I want?  What am I going to do to change the situation?  I have heard from her since and she has found it is remarkably useful.

I know that fear always leads me from my compassionate state.  Fear no longer fits who I am and how I want to show up in the world.  What does your fear do for you?

Order the book from Amazon

Order a signed copy from Laura

Find out more about the online program and free ebooks